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Welcome back everyone!  How was your Thanksgiving?  You probably made out better than Tiger Woods.  Short of a wine and turkey induced DUI or the loss of a digit due to an electric knife mishap, it would have had to be better than the World’s #1 golfer.  (Take a minute and consider the idea that any day of your life could be better than any day of  Tiger’s.  Feels weird doesn’t it?)  There is no need to rehash all the details here but I’m going to do it anyway.  Here are a few thoughts of my own on this story. 

Tiger may have to cut a few novelty sized checks to get himself out of this one.

1.  If you insist on lying make it halfway believable:  Any two-bit liar knows this one.  You just aren’t going to win people over with a story that includes your wife busting out the rear windows of your Escalade with a 9-iron to help you escape from a low speed crash that wasn’t serious enough to deploy the airbags on the car.  You really won’t win them over when the incident occurs 24 hours after a National Enquirer story that alleged you are deploying Little Tiger on a New York socialite and self-professed celebrity dater.  

No wonder you wanted to stop relaying details of the incident, which brings us to the next point….  

2.  Since when can you refuse to be interviewed by police?:  This is an option?  The police came to the house and they took “he’s sleeping” as an excuse?  I was completely unaware you could do this. 

3.  Keep your stick in neutral:  This is not the rant of a self-righteous blogger decrying the downfall of the American family or the moral fiber of our supposed role models.  This is strictly a financial and ease of life proposition.  Having mistresses seems to be a costly never-ending pain in the ass that is completely avoidable.  Even your best pre-nup is going to bone you over if you are caught cheating, why give away hundreds of millions in a divorce settlement if you don’t have to?  Elin is hot, that was no doubt a factor in you deciding to marry her.  If the spark has gone out in the marriage you can cope like the rest of us.  You service Little Tiger yourself and spend your weekends at the golf course.

4.  Tiger’s PR team sucks ass:  Does he have a PR team because you couldn’t possibly tell.  There has been no effort by Tiger’s people to spin this story in a meaningful way that doesn’t further the speculation.  They new strategy of walling himself off from the media will only intensify the speculation surrounding the incident.  If you are a  high profile celebrity you need a “Wolf” in your corner to handle situations like this one.     

5.  Gloria Allred is involved so expect this story to get super annoying:  No explanation needed.

6.  TMZ is dominating this story:   After discussing this story at length at Thanksgiving to the dismay of my wife’s grandmother, my sister-in-law suggested we check TMZ saying they would have the real scoop.  The consensus among our group was that Tiger was lying his ass off and the smoking gun would be if glass was found in the driveway, away from the accident scene, which would seemingly disprove the idiotic notion that she was trying to save him by busting out the rear windows. 

TMZ had us covered and then some.  They had photos of the car, accounts from friends who said Tiger told them he would need to get her a Kobe sized rock, word that there was no blood on the steering wheel suggesting the cuts were from Elin and not the accident, and the clinching glass in the driveway we were looking for.  I know TMZ is a gossip site and doesn’t hold themselves to much in the way of journalistic standards but you would have to admit their story makes a hell of a lot of sense with the details that are provided.  I will no longer be embarrassed to tell people that I occasionally watch their low-brow program over the Nightly News.  In this instance they delivered the reporting.