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If I had any photoshop skills Ben would have tweety birds circling his big dumb melon.

Ben Roethlisberger leans forward on a running play to get that one extra yard and maybe the first down. Derrick Johnson comes running in and Big Ben’s head strikes the linebacker’s knee. Now the defending Super Bowl champion’s QB is lying on the turf with donut glaze over his eyes and his 4th concussion in the last few years.

Flash to you, half napping in your living room with Ruffles grease on your fingers and a wife somewhere in the house bitching about your lazy ass watching football all day.  You see Big Ben go down and the heart starts racing.  Maybe your fantasy team is playing against Roethlisberger this week.  Maybe you face him next week.  But you do know one thing, he’s not on your team so this can be nothing but good for your chances at that fantasy trophy.

It’s an ugly sight.  Another soulless fantasy football team owner celebrating a possible career ending bruise on another human being’s brain.  We’ve all been there.

scha·den·freu·de (shäd’n-froi’də)
n. Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.

Leave it to the Germans to have a word for taking pleasure in another man’s pain.  In something as fun and innocent as fantasy sports I just can’t stand having to deal with cheering for somebody to break a leg.  Too dark.  It turns you into an ugly monster.  I hate schadenfreude.  That stuff is bad for your karma.

But what can we do about it?  It’s inevitable, right?  Yep.  But I do try to minimize it as much as possible until that gleeful little devil voice is barely audible in the back of my head.  My favorite method?

Participate in as many fantasy leagues as possible.  Huh?  Seems counter intuitive, right?  Most people who care about your football problems would default to the wrong answer which is less fantasy in your life.  But there is a magical number of fantasy teams somewhere around 10 where suddenly you realize that you own almost every fantasy relevant player in the NFL, and simultaneously each week you are also playing against every fantasy relevant player in the NFL.  Suddenly most major injuries both help AND hurt you.  Big Ben’s concussion that is helping that work league win is also fucking you in the neighborhood league.  There’s a ying to the yang.

Now you can get down to watching football without huge rooting interests again.  Remember that favorite real life team of yours that you used to devote your life to?  Now you can quit walking that dumb line of cheering for your Colts but still wanting that other QB on the field to throw a couple TD passes.  Boom, you’re back to watching football like a real fan.  Except now maybe you cheer a little more for offense than defense.

Without incurring the wrath of karma.