What does this horse have to do with Mark McGwire? Absolutely nothing, that's what.

 First, a little history on the great horse.  The Clydesdale breed originated in Scotland and has been known since the beginning for it’s size and most importantly strength.  The horses were prized initially for their ability to haul.  An old-timey Clydesdale could pull a weight of more than a ton at a speed over more than 5 miles per hour.  It wasn’t long before they were brought to North America and were the favorite of brewers nationwide.  It was said at the time that “a brewer’s success was directly related to how his draft horses could pull a load in a day.”  Very interesting.  It would stand to reason that a bigger, stronger horse could pull a bigger, heavier load for longer distances.  Hmmm…. 

Flash forward to 1933 and the repeal of prohibition.  Augie Busch Jr presented his father with a hitch of Clydesdales and had them deliver the first legal case of Budweiser down the streets of St. Louis.  The historians will have you believe that this is where the story of the Budweiser Clydesdales began.  My alternate conspiracy theory says that the hitch was a wink and a nod to the strapping equines that helped Budweiser bootleg their beer all over the Midwest and keep the company afloat during the dark days of Prohibition.  Bootlegging across the Midwest is tiresome work, even for the most fit of Clydesdales.  No way a natural creature could handle that kind of workload without a little “pick me up.”  Certainly they would need something to help them recover from the previous day’s haul.  If the horse couldn’t go on a particular day they were put down and the brewer would be out a few day’s deliveries.  It was crucial for the Clydesdale’s to work with injury.  We might be on to something here. 

Sensing that they were sitting on a gold mine, Budweiser began parading the horses around the country and featuring them prominently in their advertising.  The humongous horses became an American icon.  The funny thing about icons is that they don’t become iconic for being average just like Big Mac didn’t become famous for hitting balls five feet over the fence.  The Bud Clydesdales are considerably bigger than their ancestors weighing in at over 2000 pounds and standing 6 feet tall in the middle.  Some people would attribute this growth to good breeding, but I think it’s something more sinister.  It’s kind of like looking at a Big Mac rookie card compared to his famous 1998 hug with Sammy Sosa.  The difference is striking.  

Mark McGwire began his career and his steroid abuse in Oakland while playing for manager Tony LaRussa but it wasn’t just the presence of TLR that made St. Louis a welcome landing spot for McGwire.  He knew he was in a place that had celebrated freakishly oversized animals for decades.  They cared not to ask questions about the unnatural features or uncommon performance.  They didn’t care that the horses were gelded to help temper their mood, supposedly so they were better around people (likely story, sounds like a roid rage cover).  Being clean is secondary.  As long as their heroes are identified with their town, the people will love them unconditionally.  

Most of all McGwire knew he was at home in a place where the masses loved gigantic horses asses.  (bad um ching!)

(Save the Sammy Sosa rebuttal.  He did it too and I hate him.  Thank you for not wasting both of our time.)

It's going to be a long decade.

But then I had to surf over to the boys at baseballprospectus.com and find my buzz kill.  There I found an article called “The Cubs’ Contractual Cul-de-Sac” by Kevin Goldstein breaking down the ball clubs contractual situation which he dubbed “among the worst in history”.  Ugh.  Back down to earth.

Yeah the disaster is obvious but I hadn’t heard it put into historical context that way.  Basically the article breaks down the top eight salaries on the Cubs for 2010 and that paints a very bad picture.  Like modern art bad.

The low side of the scale is Carlos Silva at $11.5 million for the fat and oft-injured “hurler”.  This contract is a pretty fair punishment to the club forced upon us because of asshat Milton Bradley and Jim Hendry’s predilection for bidding against himself for career year Texas Rangers.  If that money makes the team as a number 5 starter it will be a miracle.

The top end of the scale is hoppy outfielder Alfonso Soriano with his $18 million this year and $72 more owed through the end of 2014.  It’s already bad money now and by the last couple years of the contract that will look like Congress level bad spending.  The article points out that Marlin’s Cody Ross has the exact same stats as Alfonso during the same time frame as his Cubs contract.  Ouch.

I’m not going to break down every name on the list, but let’s just say there’s a whole lot of bad contracts on the book for 2010.  And the darkest part of it is that all but two of the names have even bigger money owed for years to come.  These cement shoes are not coming off any time soon.  The only two names that can come off the books this year are Derrick Lee and Ted Lilly.  Laughably these are the most value per dollar contracts in the list and with a good showing this year might be in line for a raise.

That fading light at the end of this tunnel is that the Cubs could still somehow luck their way into a World Series in the next year or two.  With half the teams in your division accurately described as an abortion you are never too far from winning the division.  And we all know that getting to the end of October is all about getting hot at the right time.  Even over priced players can piece that together.